Old letters to Caden

Here are some older "letters" that I wrote to Caden that I have dug up.


Dec 10, 2010
Dear Caden,
It really is ok to sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time. I promise you're not missing out on anything. Love, Mommy

May 20, 2011
Dear Caden,
Please stop trying to eat the random roly poly bugs that you find on the floor. I am sure in another country they are considered a delicacy, however in our house we don't eat them.
Thanks, love Mommy

June 20, 2011
Dear Caden,
Please do not think I'm trying to quell your artistic abilities, I'm just trying to redirect them. Using your poop as your medium and the crib/walls as your canvas are not acceptable . I will gladly invest in some non toxic finger paints and paper ASAP as I understand you may be the next Picasso or Monet.
Thanks, love Mommy

August 19, 2011
Dear Caden,
I may not be perfect but my promise to you is,I will love you for youNot for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love. The love that you never knew.
All my love, Mommy

August 25, 2011
Dear Caden,
I promise there are no toys in your bottom dresser drawer. No matter how many times you pull out the clothes, there won't be any toys hiding. Promise. So can you leave your clothes folded and put away? Thanks, Mommy

November 10, 2011
Dear Caden,
I know you love Vader, and I know that you love food. However you do not need to love Vader's food. Please leave it in his doggy bowl. And if you want water I can give you your cup, you do not need to swim in his water bowl either. Resist the urge, trust me, you will be just fine if you left it alone. I promise.
 Love, Mommy

May 22, 2012
Dear Caden,
I know that lately we have been clapping for you every time you sit on your potty chair as we prepare you for (hopefully) potty training you this summer. But please know that it is not necessary to clap for Mommy and yell as loud as you can "yeah Mommy!" when she is using the restroom. In public. Where you're voice echoes to the back of the store. Thank you for being proud of Mommy, but she no longer needs encouragement, but hold on to it in case I need it in 60+ yrs or so. And yes, the lady in the stall was giggling at you. And yes, you are still too stinking cute, but really...if you have to be excited when I potty, just clap...no cheers are necessary. I am positive on this.
Love, Mommy
PS. This also includes saying "shewie, Mommy!" when you hear the gentleman next to us toot in the shopping isle. It's a good thing I love you so much because you are incredibly embarrassing but hilarious

May 24, 2012
Dear Caden,
Tonight you were sleeping so very peacefully and I decided to pick you up and sit on the floor of your bedroom and hold you close. I could feel your soft breath on my face as you breathed in life and chased your dreams. I watched your long eyelashes move ever so slightly as you dreamed of beautiful days of fun with friends and family. Your fingers curled around my hand and I could admire every beautiful detail of your fingers, your beautiful nails so perfectly made- even one or two with dirt still under them from playing outside. I smiled as I thought of all the amazing things that you will be able to accomplish with those hands, hands that I lifted up to the Lord as I dedicated you to Him. I admired your small ears, whispering in them words of love and prayer that one day as you continue to grow and hear the Word of the Lord, that you would make the right decisions in life. I kissed your tiny toes, praying that you would follow the right paths in life, down the road less traveled, even though it would be difficult. Know that I will be there, every step of the way to encourage you on your journey in life. I felt your heart beat in rhythm with mine and I prayed that you would continue to have a tender heart for Him. That you would one day find a perfect soul mate to share your life and your heart with. I ran my fingers over your scar on your head and I smiled. This is a constant reminder of how special and perfect you are. That you are meant for something amazing in life. I just closed my eyes and held you as you slept, and you healed me. You are my greatest gift and achievement. I pray constantly that I am the mother God would have me be for you. Be patient with me sweet Caden, we are on this journey together and we will make mistakes. But know that no matter what, you will always be my baby and I will always love you. Thank you for letting me hold you and love you. Thank you for being mine.
Love, Mommy

May 28, 2012
Dear Caden,
Today is Memorial Day. A day that we all gather with our friends and family and gorge ourselves with delicious food and play games until dark. But sweet Caden, today is something so much more. Today is a day that we MUST remember all of those that have served our country past and present. This country has been built by the tears and blood of the Brave who have given their all. The families who selflessly live their lives knowing that their loved one is somewhere fighting for us. We MUST remember these families, friends who have lost someone. We may not know who they are in the sea of faces we see day to day, so you MUST show respect to everyone you meet, bc you do not know. You need to support these families and pray for them. We have our freedom because of these Brave men and women. It is important to always stand with your hand on your heart when the flag is walked in and the anthem is sung. Sadly, many of your friends won't do this, so it is important that you do. You must remember that Memorial day isn't a bunch of history lessons, it is so much more. It is to remember those that lived, laughed and loved. Those that prayed for you even before you were a twinkle in my eye. Those that gave the ultimate sacrifice. So today, Sweet Caden, as you run and play today, know that you are so loved and blessed. It is an honor to live in the USA. Remember....
Love, Mommy

April 1st, the worst April Fool's Day Ever

Dear Caden,

What can I say? The words, "I love you" don't seem strong enough. They don't truly express my feelings toward you. You are my everything, my life, my love, my happiness. While I was pregnant I was on bedrest starting on August 29th until the day that you were born. I was allowed to get up for a maximum of 30 min a day, and let me tell you how hard that was...needless to say I didn't always follow the rules :) , but I did try- I promise. During that time I kind of got depressed, it was a lonely time for me. Daddy had to work and several of my friends were busy. Also I was sick the entire time I was pregnant. I threw up every single time that I ate something, so needless to say, food was not my friend. The thought of food made me nauseated. The only thing that I was able to keep down was Pei Wei's vegetable spring rolls...now the thought of them makes me want to vomit because that is all I could eat. GAG, you can only eat so much of one thing! LOL! I only gained 8 lbs with you, that is how sick I was. My feet swelled up like tree trunks, I couldn't even wear my cute flip flops, I had to buy another pair. But you were so worth it. I was so frustrated= So I made myself create a 'happy thought' every day and I posted it on Facebook. Some of my Happy Thoughts were silly, and some of them were serious. But my ultimate Happy Thought was you. One the day that you were born I posted that my Happy Thought - Caden Thomas Harshman was here. You were absolutely perfect, you were born at 1:23pm and weighed in at 7lbs and 3 oz. I never knew love like that, the first moment I laid eyes on you. 

This email today is to tell you about one of the worst days of my life. This is the story of my heart breaking. I thought that I was going to lose you. It all started the day before on March 31, you had a light fever 99-100F, and we thought this was because you were teething. You were getting your lower right baby tooth ( it would be #27 adult). Running a small fever while cutting teeth is normal so Daddy and I didn't think anything of it. We gave you some Motrin at bedtime and laid you down after prayers, hugs and kisses. Later that evening before I went to bed I went and checked on you (I always do this, I can't help myself- I check on you multiple times in the night to make sure that you are ok. I rub your back, whisper to you how much I love you and how perfect you are, and how honored I am to be your mother, and I pray for you- pray that God protects you from this ugly world and that you grow up to be the amazing man that you are meant to be). When I checked on you that night you felt a little warm and you had a shewie diaper, so I changed you and gave you some Tylenol. I loved on you for a little bit and then laid you back down in your crib and you seemed fine.

The next morning Daddy went to get you for breakfast, you normally wake up between 7-7:30am. Daddy said that he had to wake you up and when he picked you up, you leaned all the way back. Daddy pulled you closer to him and that is when it happened. Your eyes rolled up and deviated to the right and your whole body started seizing. Daddy said that he stood there with you for a few seconds hoping that you would come out of it, but you didn't so he ran into our bedroom (I was still asleep because Daddy was being super sweet and letting me sleep in). He just started screaming, "Caden is seizing!" I can tell you, that is the WORST way to wake up, and those are words that you never want to hear. I was instantly awake, and I took you from Daddy and I laid you on our bed on your side (so that your drool wouldn't choke you) and I started timing the seizure and looking at your eyes to see which way they were looking. (It can help doctors know what part of the brain was causing the seizure if you can tell them the way your eyes were looking). After 3 minutes I told Daddy to start the car, that we needed to go to the nearest Urgent Care Center that was located down the street just so that they could stabilize you. Daddy drove and I held you in the back seat of the car, not buckled in or anything. Daddy sped and ran lights and stop signs (he had his flashers on and he honked, thankfully there wasn't much traffic!) You seized for a total of 4 min 38 sec while in my arms. It seemed like a lifetime.

As soon as we made it to the urgent care clinic I handed you to the nurse. He took one look at you and we were immediately sent to the back. Your little body was so, so stiff. I was scared because even though you were no longer having a seizure, you were out of it. You didn't recognize anyone. We laid you on the bed in the room and your temp was 103.8. I felt so terrible. How could I, as a mom, let your temperature get that high? The doctor told me that it wasn't the fact that your temp was so high, that caused you to seize, but because it got high really fast and your little body couldn't compensate quickly enough. They drew blood and took a urine sample. No one was saying it, but we were all thinking the same thing: meningitis. You were so stiff, they did a CT on you and wanted to do a lumbar puncture to get spinal fluid, but I told them that if that needed to be done, it had to be done at Texas Children's hospital. I wanted the best for you. I told them that I would like to be transported there, so they called the Kangaroo Krew to come and get you.

I was just sitting by you on the bed, stroking you...you still didn't know anyone, and you were still so stiff. Every once in awhile you would have seizure like movements again. Daddy and I just prayed. We held you close and pled the Blood of Jesus on you. Jessica Caballero (Aunt Jessica), our neighbor was there within 10 min of us calling her to let her know what was going on. She was a great source of strength during the next few days. The doctors started talking to the doctors at TCH to see what plan of care they wanted them to start on you. We started Rocephin and Vancomycin, both to help combat meningitis. Also they gave you Lorazapam and Phosphenytoin to try and stop the seizing that seemed to continue. We were at the urgent care from about 0730 until about 12. The Kangaroo Krew came, Daddy rode with  you in the ambulance and I rode with Ms. Jessica in her car to TCH.

We got to TCH and immediately walked up to the PICU. It seemed like yesterday we were sleeping in those chairs while you were recovering from your Cranial Vault Reconstruction (CVR) for your soft spot. I had a knot in my stomach, I was hoping to never have to have you in this place again. The lady at the receptionist desk said that the ambulance hadn't brought you in yet, but Ms Jessica and I snuck back to the bed you were assigned (#9). There you were, and when you saw me you raised your arms for me to hold you. Oh how I cried...you knew me! You knew your mommy was there! Apparently during the ambulance ride you came out of the stupor you were in. And you were no longer stiff. All I could do was bury my face in your hair and thank the Lord. My baby, my Caden was back. The doctor stopped by and took a look at you and said that he wanted to wait to do the lumbar puncture (because you were no longer stiff) for a few hours and just keep you under observation. Soon after you slept for several hours because of all the medicine they had given you at the urgent care center. Your fever was lower 100.6, you were getting better.

They kept you overnight in the PICU, the nurses said that you were such a cutie, that you wanted to play. The nurses enjoyed walking around with you, you were flirting with everyone. When Daddy and I got there, you were hungry so we fed you some breakfast. I couldn't let go of you, I just had to keep holding you. You still had a low grade fever, but other than that you were perfect. The doctors said that they thought you had bacterial meningitis, but when the secondary tests came back, they were negative. The doctors said that they were confused because that kind of sickness doesn't just disappear. Daddy and I know what happened. And so does the HUNDREDS of people that were praying for you....Jesus healed my baby. I fully believe that Jesus healed you.

Caden, you are destined to do so much greatness in your world. I know this because God has kept His loving hands on  you during every time you needed Him. I pray that you always remember to seek Him first in your life. I love you more than you can imagine. My love, my baby bug, my Caden. I love you unconditionally, I always will. I thank God daily that He healed you and spared you. You are yet, once again, my miracle.

Love,

Mommy

15 Month Check Up!

***This is a repost from Caden's Caring Pages which were written while we were waiting for, and after Caden's Cranial Vault Reconstructive surgery***

This past Friday Caden had his 15 month check up. He weighs 20.4 lbs and is 32 inches tall. Still a tiny little monkey, but oh how we love him! The doctor asked a series of questions just to make sure that he is on track. They asked if he could say 3 words other than 'mama' and 'dada'....ummm yes, he has 19 words. He also will say, 'I la you da' after Cayce tells him that he loves him. So sweet. When the doctor actually heard Caden say the sentence his jaw dropped. He asked how long he had been saying that and I told him about a week before he turned one. Apparently children do not put together sentences this early, and with his increased vocabulary the doctor said that we definitely have a smart cookie on our hands! He also asked about Caden's diet, does he eat enough, what is he eating, ect. I told the doctor that he eats everything that is slower than he is, just kidding. But he does eat everything that we eat. I was concerned about how much he eats BECAUSE one evening he ate : 4 slices of pizza (adult slices, crust included), a fruit cup, a yogurt cup, and 3 handfuls of cheerios with 5 oz of milk. Another evening he ate an ENTIRE 7 layered burrito from Taco Bell, a fruit cup, a yogurt cup, and two handfuls of goldfish and 5 oz of milk. He eats a lot, and yet he is only 20.4 lbs. Where does he put the food?! The doctor said that he has a fast metabolism and as long as the meal is nutritionally rounded, go for it. So if he is already eating this much, I am assuming I need not just a college fund set up but a daily meal fund as well for when he gets to be a teen. Oh boy.

I recently purchased some large drawing paper and jumbo crayons for Caden. The boy is in heaven! He loves to draw...I am just happy that something is keeping him occupied for longer than 5 minutes lol! So far he hasn't decided to taste the crayons, but he has stuck a few in his nose. I guess because they fit so perfectly, so why not? *sigh* At least they are non toxic, but they are made in China...soooo....yeah. I also bought some sidewalk chalk, I am hoping to test those out this weekend!

It has been a few weeks, but when the weather was beautiful I stripped Caden down in his diaper and let him have at it with the water hose in the back yard. Two hours...and he still didn't want to come in. I found another winner with Caden!

He has been growing by leaps and bounds since his surgery. His hair is growing over his incision so you can't see it nearly as much as before. I was able to give a small educational talk to Caden's physicians regarding craniosynostosis. I think they are all more aware of it now and are definitely checking every child now even more so. They were so apologetic about missing Caden's diagnosis (It was my persistence that got my a referral to TCH that led to his surgery). I told them that it was no ones fault. I believe everything happens for a reason. This allowed me to speak to all the physicians and it has brought about a greater awareness for other children. So if all of this happened so that Caden's story could perhaps save another child, then it is all worth it. God works in mysterious ways. I just know that Caden is healthy, happy and growing like a weed. I am beyond happy in love with my family. My life is blessed.

Speaking of blessed...I now have a new job. I no longer work at MD Anderson, but I am now a school nurse at Sanchez Elementary. It was a difficult decision for me to change jobs because I loved my job so very much. I loved my coworkers and I loved, loved, loved my patients. However, MDA was making changes and the 13hr shifts were becoming more taxing on my health. I also wasn't satisfied with the amount of time I was giving to my family. This new position allows me to be home every evening and I can cook and have dinner on the table! I drive home now while the sun is still shining, it is amazing! It is a little difficult going to work 5 days a week instead of just 3, but the hours are shorter and I know that it will be better for my health and my family. It has just been two weeks and I already have seen the difference in my family, for the better. God is good :)