Dear Caden,
We are sitting at the table when you announce that you need to use the restroom. Once finished you came back and come up to Daddy saying, "Wow Daddy! I had so much pee pee my bladder was going to 'splode! "
He looks at you and says, " Really? Wow, that is a lot! I am glad you went, thank you for going in the potty."'
Your face gets bright and you excitedly tell him, "Ohhh yeah! Do you know how much that is? You know how much 'splode is?! It is so much pee pee it can fill the bathtub! That's a lot!"
Enough to fill a bathtub, huh? Yes, my dear Caden, that would definitely make my bladder explode too.
love,
Mommy
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Happy Birthday Jacob!
Dear Jacob,
Last year I woke up the previous morning just knowing this was it- today was different. I couldn't get comfortable, beside the fact that you were camping out on the nerve by my ribs which just made life miserable. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't bend, I couldn't eat, I could barely move. The moment I finally sat on the couch, I had to get up to go to the restroom. I thought I was going to die. I was beyond miserable, the pain that I had was ridiculous. Don't forget the fact that my pelvis wasn't opening and you were whacking your head on my bones. Needless to say, I was ready for you to be out. That morning I had received a call to schedule your c-section in case you chose not to show in the meantime. Literally, one hour after that call, you had other plans. My midwife/doula came (Dr. Marianne Moore), my best friend Samantha Eustis, my amazing neighbor Jessica Caballero, my dear childhood friend, Jess Hankamer, and your Daddy all were at my side while I labored at home. Dr. Moore decided that we needed to head to the hospital because I was in so much pain but I didn't seem to be progressing as much as she would like. Off we went to TCH Pavilion for Women.
We spent the night in observation and the next day we get admitted to the laboring unit. That afternoon, around 3p, my water broke. I opted for an epidural because I knew the contractions would become stronger since my water had broken. Soon after the epidural I suddenly couldn't breathe well, my throat was closing in on me. I began coughing and I felt very tired. The next moment I open my eyes I see that my room had become filled to the brim with Dr's and nurses. I see your Daddy's worried face above me and he is calling my name. We are not sure what happened, but for some reason I passed out and your heart rate plummeted. Little did we know that that was just the beginning of the excitement that you would cause during this delivery. Several hours later they checked me and the look on their faces told me everything. I was bleeding everywhere and they said that you were in danger. We immediately went to the OR and I remember the urgency in their steps. The words they spoke were candy coated because their faces gave it all away.
Fuzziness, my eyelids seem so very heavy. I hear your Daddy asking what is wrong with me. The anesthesiologist said it was my medications that were making me sleepy. The surgeon swears and I remember someone else saying, "Oh my God, how. . .?" You, my dear Jacob, were no longer in my uterus. You went through my old c-section scar and birthed yourself into my abdominal cavity. When the surgeon made the incision you were there - RIGHT THERE - not where you were supposed to be. My uterus had ruptured and I had an artery tear. I look over at the anesthesiologist and he had tears in his eyes. The surgeon peeks over the blue shield and said that you were a miracle. A living, breathing miracle. It was difficult to focus, my head was hurting and I felt so very cold. I remember them handing you to Daddy and trying to rush him out of the room, but that he stood firm and he brought you over to me. You were so beautiful, so perfect. I tried to look at Daddy, but his face was clouded, he reached over and kissed me and the nurses all but pushed him out the door. Then the darkness fell.
One cannot truly express the love, joy and utter peace that I felt. I found myself standing in a long hallway with walls covered in photographs of people; people of all ages, ethnicity, creeds and eras of bygone past. I look up and the walls continue on as far as I could see, there was no end. I begin walking, realizing I was no longer hurting, I walked faster when suddenly I see a light. The light opened up to a crowd of people talking, singing and laughing. Their faces were not clear, but the joy and peace they had was tangible. Suddenly I see him, my heart reached out and I wanted to race to him, but I couldn't. My Grandpa Brown walked toward me and sat down on the bench beside me that was lining the wall. His face was beautiful, still had the strong laugh creases by his eyes and the dimple on his nose. Oh how I loved that dimple on his nose. His silver grey hair shined and he had an aura about him, I could feel his love and feel his peace. My Grandpa began to speak to me - oh. My heart had missed him so and just hearing his voice and talking to him . . . we spoke of many things and I asked many questions. My heart heart was full and I was happy. He stood up and said it was time for me to go. I didn't understand this, I didn't want to go, I was happy, felt loved and at peace. Oh the PEACE. I reached out to hug him, touch him, but he told me that I couldn't. He told me it wasn't my time yet and that I had to go. Go? I didn't want to leave this place. I wanted to stay where there was complete healing, complete love, complete joy and complete peace. He looked at me and said, "I love you Jerusha. I have your other two babies with me and I have held Caden and I have held Jacob, now you must go back and hold your miracles. You must go and be their mother."
The lights are glaring and I hear my surgeon calling for the general surgeon because he thinks he may have perforated my bowel. I look up and I feel pressure in my abdomen, it was uncomfortable. I make a sound and the anesthesiologist looks over and me and whispers in my ear, "You are doing great, you are going to be just fine. Keep hanging on, you are going to make it. Jacob is perfect, you did good. Jacob is your miracle baby - you both are miracles. There is definitely a God and He is on your side." He readjusted my face mask and I fall back under.
I wake up as I am being wheeled into the recovery room. I see the tense and worried looks of Dr. Moore, Sam, Jess, Jessica and your Daddy. I remember asking about you over and over again. You were placed in my arms and I felt such a peace. I knew that it was going to be ok. You were just in the arms of Heaven and you were here for a reason. Later I was told by the surgeon that only 1 in 5 women survive what happened to me and that most babies do not. We were lucky, blessed and true miracles.
Today you wake up with giggles, your blue eyes glittering in the light and you flash me your cheeky grin. You are a ball of excitement and happiness. Today you turn one year old. I still can't believe that one full year has passed since your exciting entry into this world. You have filled our lives with laughter and chaos and your bubbly personality lightens up the room. Your brother, Caden, absolutely adores you and you are always looking to play with him. I pick you up and I breathe in deep. I am able to snatch the lingering smell of baby, but I know that all too soon it will be replaced with the smells of toddlerhood - that of exciting adventures. I gently squish your chunky legs and kiss your belly knowing that soon they will be replaced by leaner legs, perfect for running and chasing. You grin at me and I know your 3 top teeth and 3 bottom will soon be surrounded by more chompers, perfect for stealing Mommy's food and eating it. I kiss your little fat toes and feel the softness against my cheek, knowing that all too soon they will become stinky toes like Caden's and I won't go near them until after bath time. Today, on your first birthday, you are still my baby. Today, and every day, you are my miracle. Happy 1st birthday my Dear Jacob.
Love,
Mommy
Last year I woke up the previous morning just knowing this was it- today was different. I couldn't get comfortable, beside the fact that you were camping out on the nerve by my ribs which just made life miserable. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't bend, I couldn't eat, I could barely move. The moment I finally sat on the couch, I had to get up to go to the restroom. I thought I was going to die. I was beyond miserable, the pain that I had was ridiculous. Don't forget the fact that my pelvis wasn't opening and you were whacking your head on my bones. Needless to say, I was ready for you to be out. That morning I had received a call to schedule your c-section in case you chose not to show in the meantime. Literally, one hour after that call, you had other plans. My midwife/doula came (Dr. Marianne Moore), my best friend Samantha Eustis, my amazing neighbor Jessica Caballero, my dear childhood friend, Jess Hankamer, and your Daddy all were at my side while I labored at home. Dr. Moore decided that we needed to head to the hospital because I was in so much pain but I didn't seem to be progressing as much as she would like. Off we went to TCH Pavilion for Women.
We spent the night in observation and the next day we get admitted to the laboring unit. That afternoon, around 3p, my water broke. I opted for an epidural because I knew the contractions would become stronger since my water had broken. Soon after the epidural I suddenly couldn't breathe well, my throat was closing in on me. I began coughing and I felt very tired. The next moment I open my eyes I see that my room had become filled to the brim with Dr's and nurses. I see your Daddy's worried face above me and he is calling my name. We are not sure what happened, but for some reason I passed out and your heart rate plummeted. Little did we know that that was just the beginning of the excitement that you would cause during this delivery. Several hours later they checked me and the look on their faces told me everything. I was bleeding everywhere and they said that you were in danger. We immediately went to the OR and I remember the urgency in their steps. The words they spoke were candy coated because their faces gave it all away.
Fuzziness, my eyelids seem so very heavy. I hear your Daddy asking what is wrong with me. The anesthesiologist said it was my medications that were making me sleepy. The surgeon swears and I remember someone else saying, "Oh my God, how. . .?" You, my dear Jacob, were no longer in my uterus. You went through my old c-section scar and birthed yourself into my abdominal cavity. When the surgeon made the incision you were there - RIGHT THERE - not where you were supposed to be. My uterus had ruptured and I had an artery tear. I look over at the anesthesiologist and he had tears in his eyes. The surgeon peeks over the blue shield and said that you were a miracle. A living, breathing miracle. It was difficult to focus, my head was hurting and I felt so very cold. I remember them handing you to Daddy and trying to rush him out of the room, but that he stood firm and he brought you over to me. You were so beautiful, so perfect. I tried to look at Daddy, but his face was clouded, he reached over and kissed me and the nurses all but pushed him out the door. Then the darkness fell.
One cannot truly express the love, joy and utter peace that I felt. I found myself standing in a long hallway with walls covered in photographs of people; people of all ages, ethnicity, creeds and eras of bygone past. I look up and the walls continue on as far as I could see, there was no end. I begin walking, realizing I was no longer hurting, I walked faster when suddenly I see a light. The light opened up to a crowd of people talking, singing and laughing. Their faces were not clear, but the joy and peace they had was tangible. Suddenly I see him, my heart reached out and I wanted to race to him, but I couldn't. My Grandpa Brown walked toward me and sat down on the bench beside me that was lining the wall. His face was beautiful, still had the strong laugh creases by his eyes and the dimple on his nose. Oh how I loved that dimple on his nose. His silver grey hair shined and he had an aura about him, I could feel his love and feel his peace. My Grandpa began to speak to me - oh. My heart had missed him so and just hearing his voice and talking to him . . . we spoke of many things and I asked many questions. My heart heart was full and I was happy. He stood up and said it was time for me to go. I didn't understand this, I didn't want to go, I was happy, felt loved and at peace. Oh the PEACE. I reached out to hug him, touch him, but he told me that I couldn't. He told me it wasn't my time yet and that I had to go. Go? I didn't want to leave this place. I wanted to stay where there was complete healing, complete love, complete joy and complete peace. He looked at me and said, "I love you Jerusha. I have your other two babies with me and I have held Caden and I have held Jacob, now you must go back and hold your miracles. You must go and be their mother."
The lights are glaring and I hear my surgeon calling for the general surgeon because he thinks he may have perforated my bowel. I look up and I feel pressure in my abdomen, it was uncomfortable. I make a sound and the anesthesiologist looks over and me and whispers in my ear, "You are doing great, you are going to be just fine. Keep hanging on, you are going to make it. Jacob is perfect, you did good. Jacob is your miracle baby - you both are miracles. There is definitely a God and He is on your side." He readjusted my face mask and I fall back under.
I wake up as I am being wheeled into the recovery room. I see the tense and worried looks of Dr. Moore, Sam, Jess, Jessica and your Daddy. I remember asking about you over and over again. You were placed in my arms and I felt such a peace. I knew that it was going to be ok. You were just in the arms of Heaven and you were here for a reason. Later I was told by the surgeon that only 1 in 5 women survive what happened to me and that most babies do not. We were lucky, blessed and true miracles.
Today you wake up with giggles, your blue eyes glittering in the light and you flash me your cheeky grin. You are a ball of excitement and happiness. Today you turn one year old. I still can't believe that one full year has passed since your exciting entry into this world. You have filled our lives with laughter and chaos and your bubbly personality lightens up the room. Your brother, Caden, absolutely adores you and you are always looking to play with him. I pick you up and I breathe in deep. I am able to snatch the lingering smell of baby, but I know that all too soon it will be replaced with the smells of toddlerhood - that of exciting adventures. I gently squish your chunky legs and kiss your belly knowing that soon they will be replaced by leaner legs, perfect for running and chasing. You grin at me and I know your 3 top teeth and 3 bottom will soon be surrounded by more chompers, perfect for stealing Mommy's food and eating it. I kiss your little fat toes and feel the softness against my cheek, knowing that all too soon they will become stinky toes like Caden's and I won't go near them until after bath time. Today, on your first birthday, you are still my baby. Today, and every day, you are my miracle. Happy 1st birthday my Dear Jacob.
Love,
Mommy
 |
| It's my party and I will cry if I want to |
 |
| It's present time! |
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Poly Olys
Dear Caden,
Your newest obsession in life is that of bugs. You are fascinated by the way they fly, crawl, their coloring, what they eat - literally, anything that deals with bugs, you are all over it. Last night, while you were in the bath, you informed me that you found a roly poly at school. Your face lit with excitement as you described it to me and how you let it crawl all over your arm. You proudly then told me that you didn't squish him because "Poly Olys don't bite Momma, they only lick you."
"Ahhh...Roly Polys don't lick silly Caden."
"Yes they do!"
"How do you know they lick? Did you see it's tongue?"
"No silly Momma. They lick because I licked it."
I choked on my spit and look at you.
"You did what?! Caden! You don't lick bugs! That is nasty! Ok?! Please don't lick bugs again because you can get really sick from that. Ok?...Ok?!?!"
"Yeah, ok." You face held a look of disappointment.
I try to soften my panic by praising you. "Thank you for not squishing him. Roly Polys are nice bugs. Did you put him back down so he could play with his other Roly Poly friends?"
You stare at me and I know that look.
"Yeah, but I couldn't because he got stuck on my tongue and he got lost."
"...Lost?"
You won't eat pizza but you will lick and accidentally eat a Roly Poly. I hear in foreign countries grubs and other insects are delicacies. Gross.
Love,
Mommy
Your newest obsession in life is that of bugs. You are fascinated by the way they fly, crawl, their coloring, what they eat - literally, anything that deals with bugs, you are all over it. Last night, while you were in the bath, you informed me that you found a roly poly at school. Your face lit with excitement as you described it to me and how you let it crawl all over your arm. You proudly then told me that you didn't squish him because "Poly Olys don't bite Momma, they only lick you."
"Ahhh...Roly Polys don't lick silly Caden."
"Yes they do!"
"How do you know they lick? Did you see it's tongue?"
"No silly Momma. They lick because I licked it."
I choked on my spit and look at you.
"You did what?! Caden! You don't lick bugs! That is nasty! Ok?! Please don't lick bugs again because you can get really sick from that. Ok?...Ok?!?!"
"Yeah, ok." You face held a look of disappointment.
I try to soften my panic by praising you. "Thank you for not squishing him. Roly Polys are nice bugs. Did you put him back down so he could play with his other Roly Poly friends?"
You stare at me and I know that look.
"Yeah, but I couldn't because he got stuck on my tongue and he got lost."
"...Lost?"
You won't eat pizza but you will lick and accidentally eat a Roly Poly. I hear in foreign countries grubs and other insects are delicacies. Gross.
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Our Crazy Life
Dear Caden,
Being a parent is fun. I say things that I never thought I would ever say to another human. Our typical day usually consists of one of the following phrases:
Put your tongue back in your mouth
Stop licking me...and Jacob...and Daddy
Don't eat off the floor, it's yucky
No, your ketchup does not need a hat
No, it isn't your birthday
Yes, we can sing you the birthday song
No, it isn't Halloween and there isn't anymore Halloween candy
No, your socks can't make you fly
Of course your socks make you run faster
Please stop trying to feed Tiger (our cat) your fish sticks
Please take your macaroni noodle out of your nose
No, Mommy will not toot in your bath so you can have extra bubbles
Yes, if you want to toot in your bath to make extra bubbles, go ahead
Stop drinking the bath water - this includes trying to gargle with it
Please stop sticking your carrots on or in between your toes
No, we cannot have a swimming pool with water in the living room
Don't eat that flower
Please stop collecting June bugs in your pant pockets to "surprise" me with later
Love-bugs don't bite, there is no need to have a total meltdown when one touches you
Wow! You did poop a shark- great job!
No, your tinker did not fall off- your tinker is in the front (half asleep feeling your bum)
Of course eating dragon fruit will make you breathe fire
This list, of course, is just a drop in our crazy bucket of life. You and your brother have turned my life completely upside down, dumped all my sanity on the ground and smeared glitter and boogers on my walls. Everything I plan tends to never happen quite the way I expect. Our family seems to take the spontaneous and scenic route of life while sitting front seat on the insanity train. I am learning to enjoy this crazy ride, sticking my head out the window and feeling the wind rush in my face. I am learning that sometimes running outside while it is pouring down rain and splashing in puddles is the best therapy there is. That sticky hands and gooey kisses are the absolute best. That the long nights holding and praying over a feverish child, rocking them slowly and feeling their heart beat in sync with yours is more healing than any medicine out there. That wiping away tears and snot over a meltdown because your carrot accidentally touched your ketchup and giving a hug like only a Mommy can, is what I was made for. The looks and squeals of pure excitement that you and your brother give me when I walk into a room, no matter how long and frustrating my day may have been, make it all worth it. That I prefer handmade scribbles of love so much more than any gift that you could ever purchase. Even though I am still learning, thank you for making me into the woman I am today. Thank you for making me into a Mommy - your Mommy. I adore you with every breath in my body.
Love,
Mommy
Being a parent is fun. I say things that I never thought I would ever say to another human. Our typical day usually consists of one of the following phrases:
Put your tongue back in your mouth
Stop licking me...and Jacob...and Daddy
Don't eat off the floor, it's yucky
No, your ketchup does not need a hat
No, it isn't your birthday
Yes, we can sing you the birthday song
No, it isn't Halloween and there isn't anymore Halloween candy
No, your socks can't make you fly
Of course your socks make you run faster
Please stop trying to feed Tiger (our cat) your fish sticks
Please take your macaroni noodle out of your nose
No, Mommy will not toot in your bath so you can have extra bubbles
Yes, if you want to toot in your bath to make extra bubbles, go ahead
Stop drinking the bath water - this includes trying to gargle with it
Please stop sticking your carrots on or in between your toes
No, we cannot have a swimming pool with water in the living room
Don't eat that flower
Please stop collecting June bugs in your pant pockets to "surprise" me with later
Love-bugs don't bite, there is no need to have a total meltdown when one touches you
Wow! You did poop a shark- great job!
No, your tinker did not fall off- your tinker is in the front (half asleep feeling your bum)
Of course eating dragon fruit will make you breathe fire
This list, of course, is just a drop in our crazy bucket of life. You and your brother have turned my life completely upside down, dumped all my sanity on the ground and smeared glitter and boogers on my walls. Everything I plan tends to never happen quite the way I expect. Our family seems to take the spontaneous and scenic route of life while sitting front seat on the insanity train. I am learning to enjoy this crazy ride, sticking my head out the window and feeling the wind rush in my face. I am learning that sometimes running outside while it is pouring down rain and splashing in puddles is the best therapy there is. That sticky hands and gooey kisses are the absolute best. That the long nights holding and praying over a feverish child, rocking them slowly and feeling their heart beat in sync with yours is more healing than any medicine out there. That wiping away tears and snot over a meltdown because your carrot accidentally touched your ketchup and giving a hug like only a Mommy can, is what I was made for. The looks and squeals of pure excitement that you and your brother give me when I walk into a room, no matter how long and frustrating my day may have been, make it all worth it. That I prefer handmade scribbles of love so much more than any gift that you could ever purchase. Even though I am still learning, thank you for making me into the woman I am today. Thank you for making me into a Mommy - your Mommy. I adore you with every breath in my body.
Love,
Mommy
 |
| Holding Caden 2010 |
 |
| Holding Jacob 2013 |
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Exploding Wipes
Dear Jacob,
Your look of utter surprise convinces me that this was not your fault. Obviously the wipes container just exploded and you were trying to keep the wipes from going everywhere. I am so thankful you were there to save the day, I don't know what chaos would have ensued had you not been there.
Love,
Mommy
Your look of utter surprise convinces me that this was not your fault. Obviously the wipes container just exploded and you were trying to keep the wipes from going everywhere. I am so thankful you were there to save the day, I don't know what chaos would have ensued had you not been there.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, May 2, 2014
Oatmeal
Dear Caden,
You are eating away at your oatmeal, completely engrossed in it's gooey deliciousness. You are slurping and slopping, oatmeal smeared on your cheeks. Daddy leans over and you offer him a bite. Daddy looks at you with trepidation and politely says, "No thanks, I'll live." You sigh and continue eating. There it was, the last bite of oatmeal. You look at me proudly and say, "Laaaaaast one! I make a happy bowl!" I look at you and and ask, "Well? Where's my bite?" You stop what you are doing and look me squarely in the eyes as you shovel in the last bit. "No Momma. You'll live."
Love,
Mommy
You are eating away at your oatmeal, completely engrossed in it's gooey deliciousness. You are slurping and slopping, oatmeal smeared on your cheeks. Daddy leans over and you offer him a bite. Daddy looks at you with trepidation and politely says, "No thanks, I'll live." You sigh and continue eating. There it was, the last bite of oatmeal. You look at me proudly and say, "Laaaaaast one! I make a happy bowl!" I look at you and and ask, "Well? Where's my bite?" You stop what you are doing and look me squarely in the eyes as you shovel in the last bit. "No Momma. You'll live."
Love,
Mommy
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