Bedtime Prayers

Dear Caden,

Every night before bed we say our bedtime prayers. Tonight you decided to take the lead and did the prayer all by yourself. You grabbed our hands, bowed your head and began praying in a sing song way.

"God our Father, God our Father.
 Hear our prayers, hear our prayers.
And our many blessings, and our many blessings
All our men, All our men!"

Yes, we like to ask God to bless 'All our men', but I think it's supposed to be 'Amen.'

Love,
Mommy

Leg Pits

Dear Caden,

We are soaping you up in the bathtub and you stick out a foot for me to clean your stinky "toesie rosies."

I continue to wash and you remind me, "Mom, don't forget to wash my arm pits and my leg pits."

"Your what?"

"You know..." You lift up your leg and point to underneath your knee, "my leg pits."

Love,
Mommy

Condensation

Dear Caden,

I'm sitting with you at the table and I start coughing so hard that tears come to my eyes. You, being ever so sweet, leaned over and rubbed my arm.

"Mommy, are you ok? Are you crying?"

"No sweetie, Mommy just swallowed wrong, but I am ok. Thank you though."

"Oh. That's not tears, that's just condensation."

You are just too funny, so much so that I usually laugh until I have more condensation coming out of my eyes.

Love,
Mommy

Kidding Around

Dear Caden,

Tonight Daddy was playing around with you guys and said, "Man! I have two really crazy kids!" You quickly quipped back with, "Hey! Don't call me a kid! I'm not a baby goat!" You're correct as you are our resident picky eater, whereas Jacob on the other hand *is* part kid.

Love,
Mommy

I'm Flying!

Dear Jacob,

You, my dear one, love to push the boundaries and I am convinced that our future holds many ER visits with you in tow. You are a pint sized firecracker with absolutely no concept of fear and seem to thrive on the fact that you give me mini heart attacks daily.

Just the other day I walk into the kitchen because I kept hearing a 'whump!' sound followed by your giggling, "AGAIN!"

I turn the corner and there you are, standing on the kitchen counter with your arms outstretched like Rose in Titanic, and you fall face forward to the floor. *Cue vomit in my throat*

"OH MY GOODNESS! JACOB!!!!"

"Whump!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! AGAIN!"

I run quickly to see that Caden had (THANKFULLY) placed the beanbags underneath for you to fall on. You look up at me with a giant grin on your face, pleased with your rush of exhilaration.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Mommy! We're practicing our flying! Looook!"

NO thank you, I have seen quite enough. I now have a white streak like Anna in Frozen. Something tells me that you will be my child that thinks its a great idea to skydive without a parachute. Perhaps I should be proactive and make a huge plate of cookies and go ahead and introduce myself to the ER staff by our house. Now I know why the final child of the family is the final child.

Love,
Mommy

Toesie Rosies!

Dear Jacob,

You are sitting at the table and start to cry.

" What is it buddy?! Are you ok? ! "

" OWIE!!! My toesie rosies! OW ! ! ! "

I lean over to inspect your toes to make sure there are no hairs wrapped around them, no nails are snagged. I find nothing wrong.

" OWWWWWIE ! "

" What, Jacob ? What's wrong with your toes ? "

" They're stuck ! "

" Stuck ? " I am completely mystified .

" My toesie rosies are stuck on my foot ! "

" . . . ummm . . . "

Love,
Mommy

Remember When. . . ?

Dear Caden and Jacob,

One of these days I will be sitting on an outside swing with your daddy and my hair will be covered with strands of glitter and my face will be lined with wrinkles. We will reminisce on all the crazy things that you two have done and laugh, thanking our lucky stars that we survived. I trust that evening like tonight will have me giggling in the future. I will pat your daddy's knee and say:

"Remember when we walked into the bathroom and the boys were peeing and crossing streams because Caden says it gave them super powers?" *snicker*

"Or the time Jacob was sitting on the potty and found his 'other belly button' while taking care of business?" *shakes head*

"Oh, oh!" Honey, remember when Caden knocked his yogurt on the floor and it splattered all over and then Jacob got the bright idea to skate through it - smearing it everywhere?" *chuckle*

"Remember how every night you would yell "FE, FI, FO, FUM!" and they would laugh hysterically and run upstairs to get ready for bed. . . and that one night you yelled it so loud that it scared the poop out of Jacob. Literally." *laugh*

"What about when Caden would take out ALL of his socks and put them on the knobs of his dresser when he was supposed to be sleeping? Or when he would put the socks on his hands and line the rest of the socks up on his bed. He had such a sock fetish." *huge smile*

"How about the time that Caden and Jacob were both driving us absolutely crazy and we were counting down the minutes until bedtime? I thought we were going to go bananas and they were just so stinking busy and up the wall. I wanted to set them outside with a "Free to a good home" sign, but you wouldn't let me. We read them a million books and said our prayers and closed the door and breathed a huge sigh of relief thinking we MADE it and then we heard. . . "Mommy! Daddy!" I was so frustrated and opened the door to two big eyes staring at me. "WHAT?!" "I just wanted to give you a little more love because you are my best friend in the whole world." Tiny arms wrapped around my neck and the scent of lavender sleepy time lotion brought tears to my eyes. All I could do is smother him in kisses." *wistful look*

"Ahhhh, yes, remember even with all the crazy times when I wanted time to just slow down and stand still. . . ?"

Love,

Mommy

Dandelion Wishes

Dear Jacob,

I see you trying to blow away the dandelion fuzz, your determination is evident as your brows furrow and your pink cheeks puff. It takes you several tries but eventually the stubborn pieces float up in the air causing your blue eyes to light up with excitement. Something so small and simple but so powerful. May you continue to face life's challenges with such vigor and may all your wishes come true.

Love,
Mommy

Peeing Outside

Dear Caden,

You are outside playing with Namee, running around and splashing her with water. She gets up to go inside.

You ask, "Um, where are you going?"

"To use the restroom, I will be right back."

"You can go out here, just not poop."

"Oh? Why not poop?"

"Because Mommy and Daddy will get mad."

You then proceed to show Namee how she can pee in the backyard and how if she does it juuuuust right she can hit the fence.

Sorry neighbors, I know you called HOA on me last year for my child being indecent in my own backyard. It's summer, he's dripping wet from playing in the water, and I will powerwash the fence before we move. At least you know he's not pooping.

Love,
Mommy

I Wanna Bake a Cake!

Dear Jacob,

You are hungry. Then again, you are always hungry. It doesn't matter what we are serving: tacos, spaghetti, crumbled triscuit shards you found in the couch cushions or that lonely goldfish cracker that is hugging the dust bunny under the couch. It is/was food. Did I mention that you are tired? Oh, and that you are two. Those three added together make a pretty scary combination. Perfect storm, every single time. Kim Kardashian's ugly cry face and drama has nothing on you. You also have Momma's eye for seeing details. This became apparent when we were serving you and Caden up some ice cream. Caden requested gummy bears and chocolate syrup on his. In went 4 gummy bears completely covered with syrup. I gave you three gummy bears - big mistake. Even though you could not SEE Caden's gummy bears, you KNEW you had one less than him. The Force is strong in you. You give me the Jedi mind trick and another gummy landed in your bowl. That appeased you for approximately 18.0035 seconds until the blob of ice cream on your spoon landed on your belly and rolled onto the floor. This elicits a 'The world is ending Right. This. Second.' cry and chocolate syrup gets smeared everywhere with your spoon being thrown halfway across the table. Crying and smearing I can do, spoon throwing- not so much.

"Jacob! No sir, we don't throw our spoons!"

Grunting, groaning and exaggerated posing in your chair with you hanging halfway out.

"Are you ready to take a bath and go to bed?"

"NO! I wanna bake a cake!"

I pick you up to bathe you and you go complete limp noodle on me. I'm still trying to figure out how your body gains an extra 25 lbs when it does this.

Throughout the day I see facebook postings of my friend's beautiful babies and my heartstrings pull. I remember your newborn smell and your oh so sweet cuddles and slobbery kisses. I think, well....maybe we can adopt a little girl. Suddenly I am brought back into reality as you begin bucking in my arms and head butt me hitting my nose causing me to pray it isn't broken as you wail because you dropped your baby. The rest of the evening was one meltdown after another. You cried because:

-I turned off the light and you wanted to. (So I turned it back on) Then you cried because you didn't want to turn off the light
-I undid your diaper and you wanted to do it
-I put the wrong lotion on you (even though it's the same lotion every night)
-I wouldn't allow you to stick your finger in the fan
-I wouldn't allow you to electrocute yourself by sticking your slobbery fingers in the outlet
-I wouldn't allow you to use Caden's toothbrush
-I wouldn't allow you to wash baby in the toilet

Nope. I'm good. I am going to lay you down and shut my ovary up with ice cream. Hopefully mine stays on my spoon.

Love,
Mommy

Dream Crusher

Dear Jacob,

I am sitting on the floor consoling you as your little body shudders from crying. Your little face is splotchy red and shiny from smeared snot and streaks of tears. You lift your head up and look at me with your big blue eyes and sign "Please" across your chest. Your bottom lip quivers and your eyes are pleading, filled with hope.

"I'm sorry Jacob, but no, you cannot play with the toilet plunger. Ever."

Love,
Mommy

Caden H. F

Dear Caden,

Wednesday is one of your most favorite days of the week. It is 'show and tell' day at your school and you love digging in your toys to find something fun to show off. This week was the letter "C" and you chose to bring your camera.

"Mom, I need you to write my name on it so I don't lose it."
"Ok love." (Gets permanent marker and starts writing)
"Wait! Stop!" (Holds hands up with wide eyes)
"Ok...what?"
"I need to tell you how to write my name! You don't know how to spell it!"
"Ahhh! Good point..." (trying hard not to smile, of course)
"It's C-A-D-E-N space H polka dot F"
"What is the F for?"
"Fire Rope, it's my name"

I finish writing your name on the camera and show it to you for your approval.
"Caden H. F"
You grab it from my hand and skip away, pleased.

You first started calling yourself "Fire rope" around Thanksgiving. I thought it was a phase, but you will sometimes flat out ignore me until I call you by 'your name'. You've even created a song about Fire rope, and yes, your daddy and I have sung it with you. And I must admit, when you said 'polka dot' instead of period, I couldn't hold in the laughter, but I didn't have the heart to correct you either. Oh to have the eyes of a child...You make my world so much brighter. I love you my sweet Fire rope Caden.

Love,
Mommy

Muscles

Dear Caden,

"Momma! Look! These are my muscles!"

"Oh how nice, you must be really strong!"

"Yeah! I bought them when I turned four!"

...WELL...if I had only known it was so easy to get muscles...

Love,
Mommy

Look! I have big muscles! 

Big muscles make you wanna DANCE

Littering

Dear Jacob,


You have learned a new trick - You pop your leg up on the window button and finagle your heel to roll down your window. While this is cute and funny to watch, what is NOT cute and funny is the look on Mommy's face when she gets pulled over by an officer for littering because you decided to throw your daily daycare sheet out the window. Thankfully the officer had little ones too and understood. Too bad you don't clean your playroom as well as you clean the car.


Love,
Mommy

Tinker Tales

Dear Caden,

We are getting ready for bed and you decide that you need to go to the restroom. I sit across from you and wait while you do your business when suddenly you say, "Momma! Watch this!"
My eyes can never unsee what you decided to show me. Let me just tell you now that your tinker is not:
a pretzel : be a contortionist with your entire body not just one part
a rubber band : I don't care that it can stretch to the other side of the room, it shouldn't
a bouncy ball : there is no need to shake it like a polaroid picture
finger-like appendage : you don't need to use it to wave to me and please don't touch me, or anyone else with it. Or lay it on your brother's leg.
Also, just like pulling it isn't nice, don't push it in either. Even if it doesn't hurt you, it hurts me.  And it's gross.

Love,
Mommy

Cool Kid

Dear Caden,

I see you running around the house and I notice you seem to only have one sock on with your shoes.

"Caden, where is your other sock?"

"I'm wearing it." You skip away.

"I only see one sock, where is the other one?"

"It's on my foot on top of my other sock." You are now spinning in circles.

You pause and give me the look of, 'duh mom, where else would it be? '

"So you have two socks on one foot then?"

"Yup!" and you hop up to me shoving your socked foot in my face.

"Why?" I grab your shoe and remove it and the two socks which were very sweaty - gross.

"Because it's cool. And I am a cool kid!"

As long as that is the extent of what it takes to be a 'cool kid' nowadays I think I am good.

Love,
Mommy

Brain Sneezes

Dear Caden,

Mommies tend to have a 6th sense. Even as I am sleeping ever so soundly, I know you are there. I open my eyes and strain to see you in the inky darkness of the night. Then I hear you.

"Momma..."

"What baby?"

"I need a tissue."

"You know where they are, can you reach them?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok, then what else do you need?"

"Ummm, I sneezed my brain out and it's sticky."

Love,
Mommy

Soylent Green

Dear Caden,

"Momma, what are we eating for dinner tonight?"

"I'm not quite sure Caden."

"So we aren't eating beans tonight?"

"No sweetheart, no beans tonight."

"Good. We're not eating humans tonight."

No matter how many times I have tried to explain it, you still think it is human beans and not beings. I think I should start to come up with a good explanation for the future in the event I get asked why my son is telling his teachers he is eating people.  Last I checked, we were out of soylent green.

Love,
Mommy

Beans

Dear Caden,

"Momma! I love beans!"

"Really? Since when? You always whine when I serve them for dinner."

"No, no,  no! I like them!"

"So the next time I give them to you, you will eat them with no complaints?"

"Gross! No!"

"But you just said..."

"No momma! Like red beans, and white beans and blue beans and human beans! We don't eat human
beans!"

"True. We aren't cannibals and it is a felony."

"...but we can eat jelly beans!"

Love,
Mommy

Frogs, Fish and Tinkers

Dear Caden,

The other night you and Jacob were splashing around in the bathtub. You decided to go "swimming" in the 4 inches of water filled with bubbles and toys. Jacob is happily grabbing the toys, lifting them up and excitedly telling us what they are.

"Fog!"
"Yes, frog!"
"Fish!"
"Yes, fish!"
"Tinka!
"Ummm, yes- that is Caden's tinker....

On a side note, I think you learned your lesson on swimming face up with Jacob in the tub.

Love,
Mommy