Love

Dear Caden,

I knock on the door and it opens with you popping out from behind it. You stand tall in your OshKosh overalls, proudly holding your sippy cup and 'nack' container of  goldfish crackers. Our eyes connect and your face instantly lights up as my heart soars.

I love you Caden, more than words could ever describe. I can talk to you and tell you my deepest secrets and I know you won't tell anyone. Sometimes I wonder, as I stare into your beautiful chocolate brown eyes, how much you understand. I believe you have an old soul, and your eyes hold a sense of wisdom that is beyond your age of 21 months. Who else do you know that grooves to old time religion songs? You have been through a lot during those 21 months, and there were many intercessory prayers for you while you had your surgery and then your seizure four months later, but God has taken care of you (and Mommy) every step of the way. I often wondered while you were in the hospital during your craniectomy if you were sitting on Jesus' lap during the surgery. I, at least, like to think so, it helps my heart because I still feel so guilty and terrible that you had to go through that even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. In the hospital you had such an amazing sense of humor, and I know that you had to be in so much pain. You taught me so much. You taught me to believe, hope and trust in God, it was going to be ok. It was God taking us down a dark road, but you were the light- it was meant to be.

I love how you sit in my lap and help me turn the pages of "The Hungry Caterpillar" after we've read it about 10 times that evening. I love how you help me put together your wooden puzzles and identify the different animals on them. I love how you say that a pig goes, "Oooo-INK" and that both Mommy and the cow goes "Moo." (Even though you know Mommy says, "I love you.") I love how after your bath you like to run back and forth between Mommy and Daddy's room and to your room...only to stop suddenly, waiting with baited breath right before you reach the corner of the hallway. You know Daddy is there, waiting to pop out and go, "Boo!" You let out a loud squeal and run right into Daddy and start giggling and then run and hide behind me. We play this game every night, and I love it. I love your giggles. I love your soft sighs as we start winding down to go to bed. I love it when you lay your head on my shoulder and whisper to me. I love how you turn my face towards you so that I my focus is completely on you.

I have done a lot in my life. I had a rough start, but I can look back now and see how amazing God is and how far I have gotten. I can honestly say that the best thing I have ever done was marry your Daddy and have you. You fill our lives with giggles and snot, tears and squeals of laughter, wet kisses and some of the best hugs I have ever had. You are my greatest achievement. If I never do anything else in my life, I know that I have been blessed beyond measure. I pray that I can just be the kind of Mommy that God wants me to be for you. I hope I can be as awesome as I know you are. Thank you for being mine.

Love,
Mommy