Children

Babies are a gift from God. It does not matter if they were planned or not planned. It doesn't matter how the baby came into being; by natural conception or via assistance through fertilization. God breathed the breath of life into the child and made his heart to beat. Simple as that. Therefore, it is my opinion that every child should be celebrated in their own way.

One of my friends recently found out that she was pregnant and this child was quite unexpected. It has come to my attention that some of her friends and family are giving her grief about how close together her children will be. The youngest child just recently turned one and will be a year and a half when the newest addition debuts.

Another friend of mine has four children under the age of five. The first comment out of the mouth of the majority when they hear this is, "OMG. She does know what causes that, right?!"

When I was pregnant with Jacob, I lost count of how many people said to me, "You're not having anymore are you?"

Since when, may I ask, is it anyone's business on how close together children are or how many kids one will have? The next person I hear make a comment about 'knowing how this happens' I will bluntly ask them, "Are you asking about their sex life?" You do not know what is going on in their lives. You do not know if the mother that had multiple kids back to back was told that she would never have children. You do not know if she has cried herself to sleep, just praying to get a positive on her pregnancy test after years of having a barren womb. You do not know how excited she may be for the new life inside her. Perhaps she or her significant other were an only child and they know the loneliness it can have and they don't want that for their own child. You do not know if her significant other was killed and that the only link she has to him is that of her children. You do not know if the child inside her was a surprise and unexpected. That just last week she was sitting on the Dr's table finding out the news that she would deliver, when all she can think of is, "God help me, how can I do this?" That the smile on their face is hiding the sheer terror and uncertainty they are feeling. This is not to say that the child is not loved or will be taken care of, but doesn't necessarily fit into life's timeline that they had set for themselves. You do not know if this child was created through an act of love or an act of pain. You may assume, but unless you were involved in the creation of the child, you do not know.

Asking a woman if she is "stopping" after this one is down out rude. It is none of your business. In my case,  my pregnancy with Caden was very difficult. I was extremely sick the entire time and I contracted since I was 12 weeks. I was in a serious accident that caused me to contract. I was almost hit by a car while walking to work one morning and I jumped out of the way. I fractured my knee cap and landed directly on my belly. THAT was the moment my contractions started. Caden were born at 39 wks, absolutely perfect. Afterwards I was very sick, but they found out that I had pregnancy thyroiditis which was corrected. When Cayce and I were considering having another child, we went to my many DRs to get clearance first. We wanted to make sure that it would be safe for me and the baby since my first pregnancy was difficult. Each pregnancy is very different and carries it's own set of challenges. With Jacob, I was still sick, but not as bad and I was able to keep working until I was 37 weeks which is a feat for a normal pregnancy. I delivered him on my due date at 40 weeks. My delivery was very traumatic and everyone has said it was because I was trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). That is not necessarily true, I had a weak uterus and I tore an artery. Jacob's delivery presented this information to us. Just think, if I would have scheduled a repeat c-section with Jacob and decided to try for a 3rd child later on, my weak uterus could have ruptured in the early stages of pregnancy and Cayce would have found me dead at home because I bled out. Jacob's delivery, no matter how unexpected and traumatic, ultimately saved my life. I feel extremely blessed and my life is full with two children. No, I was not planning on having a 3rd, but now that the option is taken from me it hurts. It hurts even more to be reminded of it when people make their comments of how many children I should have. It also hurts when people say I shouldn't have had Jacob in the first place because I am so sick. I know my own body, you don't. Cayce and I prayed over this pregnancy and it felt right. I do not regret my decision and I would do it all over again. If one lived their life because of all the 'what ifs' then they are not living at all.

Instead of being so judgmental of the choices that people make, why not support them? Instead of saying, "She does know how that happens" perhaps say, "She must be one amazing woman." Raising children is no easy task, the fact that one is willing to raise more than one and do it relatively close together signifies to me that they have superpowers. You aren't living her life, you aren't paying her bills and unless you are one of the two in creation, you have no right to judge. Get off your high horse and give encouragement. I understand that most of these comments are made in passing, without intent of harm, but they can and do hurt. Start offering words of love and help. Pregnancy and children are a beautiful thing, let it stay that way.